S02E16 Queering and Reclaiming Birthwork with Anna Balagtas

[The Decolonizing Medicine Podcast S02E15.  Original release date September 10, 2022.]

Jamee Pineda  
Mabuhay. My guest today is Anna Balagtas. She is a queer piny, femme, radical birth worker, educator facilitator, energy worker and pleasure advocate. Anna is the founder of pocket doula and supports emerging birth workers in radicalizing their practice through heart centered mentorships, facilitations and community organizing. She houses her practice under the decolonization of birth work and transformative queer care. Her deepest joys come from witnessing her communities thrive through community care, mutual aid, and abolition work. If you are new to this podcast, my name is Jamee Pineda. I use he him pronouns and I am a queer, non binary trans person. And my ancestors are Tagalog and Chinoy. I am also a practitioner of Hilot and Chinese medicine. I offer my services in person at Fruitcamp in Baltimore, Maryland, as well as virtually. Now let's get on with our show.

Okay, welcome Anna. It's so good to finally talk with you. I think we've been like lurking on each other social media for a little bit.

Anna Balagtas  
Sending like sending hearts here and there.

Jamee Pineda  
So there's, there's so many things I want to talk with you about, but I'll try to keep my questions like, fairly contained. I mean, we were having our little check in right before here and talking about food. And we're Filipino and we got really excited and I was like

Anna Balagtas  
Yes!

Jamee Pineda  
We should just do an episode that is only about Filipino food. That could be like, you know, six hours long, but we're not gonna talk about that today. We're gonna talk about doula work, birth work. So before I start asking you the serious questions, how are you doing today?

Anna Balagtas  
I am well, I am fed. I am happy. I am currently sipping my chocolate milk that came from the Philippines as we're talking about food. Like yesterday, I did a huge haul of Filipino food in preparation for this talk, because I was like taking the culture. We're gonna hang out with some cool Filipino people tomorrow, take it in.

Jamee Pineda  
I almost asked if you had Milo or if you had Ovaltine.

Anna Balagtas  
We do love that Milo life. We do.

Jamee Pineda  
I remember when I went to the Philippines when I was a kid, like I asked for, for Milo. And then when I got it, whatever mix they had given me was the kind without sugar. 

Anna Balagtas  
No!  That's criminal!

Jamee Pineda  
I was like, Oh, I was like, so confused. I was like, Wait, why does this tastes like? It doesn't taste like anything. It doesn't look terrible. I just I didn't know I had never had the kind that you like, add sugar to?

Anna Balagtas  
 Yes. 

Jamee Pineda  
And I yeah, I was expecting it to taste like Ovaltine, because that's what my grandma gave me. 

Anna Balagtas  
Yes, yes. 

Jamee Pineda  
Betrayal. 

Anna Balagtas  
I'm so sorry that that did happen to you. And that's, that's sad in all parts of the way. It's very sad.

Jamee Pineda  
I've been trying to recover that from that my entire life. But moving on. So let's ask let's talk about let's talk about birth work. 

Anna Balagtas  
Yes. 

Jamee Pineda  
So you're a doula. You do a lot of birth work. And I want to know what working with you as a doula is like.

Anna Balagtas  
Yeah, good question. So I think working with me as a doula, um, I'd like to think that it's very fun. I like to think that it feels familial in a way. So how I go about my work is I work outside of the scope of practice. And for folks who are listening who are not quite sure what a scope of practice looks like for a doula, it basically says that if you are working as a doula, you can't work as anything else. So if you are a doula, you can't also be an herbalist. You can't also be an educator. You can't also be a massage therapist, like you can't be any of these things. You can only ever be that person who supports someone through labor, birth, whatever. So I don't live by that life. Because I think that doula work is a combination of putting together all parts of yourself and all parts of your intersections within your work because doula work is life's work. So of course, I'm going to bring all of these parts that inform me of who I am to informing how working with you is going to be like, because if I know how to make my way through a kitchen, I'm going to cook you all of these wonderful foods, if I know how to massage you so good, I'm gonna do that because that's helpful for you. And it's also bringing parts of me into into our space together. So working with me as a doula means that we are going to be confronting a lot of these like norms, I guess, that we we see that doulas are supposed to be"professional". And sometimes being professional kind of means that you're cold or you're not able to be vulnerable, because you're not able to share parts of yourself with your clients. But I don't live by that, like I'm so vulnerable with my clients. And that's only because they're so vulnerable with me, like I'm literally in the most vulnerable transition in your life, the most I can do is show you the same, is to be vulnerable back with you. And that's how we can form that familial connection.

Jamee Pineda  
That Okay, so when you were talking about that, it kind of I don't know if you saw my facial reaction, but I was like, What the fuck? Like, if you're gonna be a doula, you can't do anything else? And to me as like a health care practitioner, who does Chinese medicine, who does Filipino medicine, and like, well, why wouldn't you do everything in your toolbox that is required of that person or like to treat that person that's like, kind of blows my mind that that is so compartmentalized...

Anna Balagtas  
Yes

Jamee Pineda  
If you're doing doula work in a professional setting. So I mean, related to what you were talking about before, can you clarify like if someone is doing more of a mainstream approach? As a practicing doula, like, what does that look like compared to how you work?

Unknown Speaker  
Yeah, what a great question. So this really also depends on where you've trained, right? So I'm very wary that there are whitewashed and capitalist doula trainings out there. And what these doula trainings are, are they like to protect who they are as organization, rather than uplift the birth workers who are coming within their organization. And so mainstream doulas, they don't know any better, because these are like the biggest doula trainings that you've probably heard of. And they put the scope of practice as a liability clause, right? The reason why people have scope of practices is so that in case someone gets in trouble, or in case there's a lawsuit, they can kind of wash their hands away from that, and be like, oh, you know, it's not within my scope. I can't help you there, I can't help you do that. So I what I found with mainstream doulas is that they're working so closely tied to the systems that actually harm the clients that we're supposed to serve. And it actually harms themselves too, because you can't put yourself on, on what your practice should be like, you can't put your whole self into it. And for for them, it's, that's really discouraging. Like, that's really sad that you're not able to do that, because you just signed a clause, basically, to say that you're protecting these organizations rather than wanting to uplift yourself.

Jamee Pineda  
Thank you for that. I definitely see parallels to that in the fields that I work in, too. So we were talking about Filipino food earlier. And so this is also a little bit related to that, but how has living in diaspora as Filipino person informed your work?

Anna Balagtas  
Yeah. Ooh. Um, so I'll start it off by saying that living in diaspora is really painful. And the way that I think living in diaspora has informed my work is because living in diaspora feels like being in constant transition. I feel like I'm moving in the space of like, in between and not not feeling so closely tied to Canadian culture, but also feeling so far away from Filipino culture. Like, that's really heartbreaking and it's isolating, and sometimes it's really difficult to navigate. And so knowing this, I feel that people who are coming to me are also coming from a place of deep transition, right. So whether that's the transition of parenthood, whether that's the transition and of death, or like literally any transition in your reproductive life that can be really scary and isolating and difficult. And so I feel my work is informed because I understand the ways in which comfort most times for us who are in this space of in between just looks like witnessing. It just looks like active listening, or simply asking someone like how best can I support you right now. And I know that no one can fix the feelings of isolation and sadness of living in diaspora for me, the same ways I can't fix the feelings of my clients who are also experiencing discomfort or pain by being in this reproductive transition. But I know the power of being witnessed. And so I offer the same for my clients as I wish is being offered to me as I'm living in this transition of diaspora.

Jamee Pineda  
That's beautiful to hear. Thank you. It. It like brings to mind a renegotiating of what a patient provider relationship can be in that you're not necessarily an expert. You're not necessarily fixing anybody, like nobody's necessarily broken? 

Anna Balagtas  
Yes.

Jamee Pineda  
 Like, it's not always about problem solving. Right? Like you're there alongside someone rather than like you are treating someone or repairing someone.

Anna Balagtas  
Yeah, I love that shift of language, too.  I never liked it when doctors would be like, this is how I'm going to treat you. It's like no, how are you going to support me? Like, I know the ways in which my body will feel better. I just need you to support me on that. Not that you need to fix me, because I'm, quote unquote, broken to you, you know.

Jamee Pineda  
Yeah.  For my next question, what have you found most challenging and most rewarding about being the pocket doula?

Anna Balagtas  
Oh, great question. So the two of these things relate. The most challenging thing that I felt with pocket doula was, when I first started, I found that most people who found my content or my offerings, were mostly white folks, and families with money, like lots of money. And I had a lot of trouble with this, because I knew in my heart of hearts, these are not the people I wanted to prioritize supporting. And I fully believe that everyone deserves support, everyone deserves support. But I believe that white folks already have plenty of this, right. And I wanted to cater more to BIPGM, Black, Indigenous and People of the global majority folks and caring for our kin instead. And so as pocket doula grew, I started becoming really loud in my content, and in my offerings, saying that birth work was political. And this work is decolonial. And specifically mentioning that I'm prioritizing supporting BIPGM folks, and making sure that there was access financially or otherwise. And that's when I started seeing more and more of our kin showing up asking for support. And that, for me, was the biggest reward.  The challenge was, oh, my gosh, so many white folks, not really my thing. But then as we grew, it was like, Okay, here's my kin, like, this is actually where I want to be. And that felt so good.

Jamee Pineda  
I have a follow up question to that. Were you ever told by by your teachers or other doula colleagues, like, if you want to work with this group you have to see white folks, you have to see people with money? I've been told that.

Anna Balagtas  
Yeah.

Jamee Pineda  
Like, like, you can't work with queer and trans folks of color, queer and trans folks of the global majority, because you won't make any money? 

Anna Balagtas  
Yeah. 

Jamee Pineda  
You have to see rich people.

Anna Balagtas  
Yes, yes, I was. It wasn't specifically that it only had to be white folks. But I was told that in order for me to be successful as a doula I needed to cater to people who can actually afford my services. And, like, it's such a catch 22 Because yes, birth work should be fully paid for like we this work is. So much of our labor goes into it, right? And a lot of that labor is either underpaid, or not paid at all. And so I totally believe that we are getting that shmoney when we can because we do deserve it. But at the same time, not everyone that we want to be able to support has access financially. So how do you marry the two? How do you find that compromise in between? So yeah, I have been told, like, you know, if you're going to be this radical doula da da da, you're never gonna make money and I'm like, watch me. Watch me, please. I can and I will.

Jamee Pineda  
Yeah, it really, I mean, I'm still on my journey on that. And it like being told no, I think is really one it's a disservice to our communities and then two, it discounts out ability to think creatively beyond capitalist structures. If you believe that you believe there wasn't anything prior to capitalism. 

Anna Balagtas  
Yeah! 

Jamee Pineda  
Which is bullshit, because capitalism isn't that old. 

Anna Balagtas  
No!

Jamee Pineda  
Colonization is also not that old, compared to like, all of human history.

Anna Balagtas  
And way before this, like if we think about even us as Filipinos, the way that we have lived, was full of community culture, community care, mutual aid, and who's to say that we can't also bring this back into this colonized world, right? In our work of decolonization, we have to go back to our roots of what our life looked like before colonization and then bringing that back. And so for us, it's not a means of all you're not going to make any money because these are the people you want to support. It's how do I still live comfortably? It's not that I need to be rich. It's just that I need to be sustained. How can I be sustained and still serve my community? Because I am rich in so many ways that isn't just financially.

Jamee Pineda  
Exactly. I mean, I wouldn't mind being like a little bit rich. I am a triple Libra, so I do like shiny things and like luxurious things. So I would like to be like comfortable plus.

Anna Balagtas  
Yes. I totally believe you.  I totally see you. I hear you. I am also a Libra moon so I'm just like, that was it. Oh, that for-

Jamee Pineda  
I see you with your old earrings. I see you with your gold earrings.  They are like huge hoops with little danglies inside.

Anna Balagtas  
I live, love, lavishly frivolously, but still thinking of community, but looking good while doing it, you know? Yeah.

Jamee Pineda  
I know. Like the Philippines is, I think, one of the hugest deposits of gold in the world. I think it's like the second largest. 

Anna Balagtas  
What! I don't know that. 

Jamee Pineda  
Yeah, there's like a ton of gold in the Philippines. And if you look at like records of how we dressed and how we took care of our bodies and adorned ourselves, there's gold everywhere like we have always been luxurious and fancy and beautiful. 

Anna Balagtas  
Oh my god that is our birthright. 

Jamee Pineda  
It is a birthright to be fucking cute, you know? And to feel yourself. Like we have like, have you seen like pictures of ancient Filipino traditional dentistry? 

Anna Balagtas  


Jamee Pineda  


Where they like they like gold plate their teeth? 

Anna Balagtas  
No, what?!

Jamee Pineda  
Yeah, it's a thing.

Anna Balagtas  
I didn't know that. 

Jamee Pineda  
Like we were always Bejeweled.

Anna Balagtas  
Oh my god. So if I decide to get a gold tooth, I'm just gonna say I'm just coming back to my roots. You know as you do.

Jamee Pineda  
Look it up look, look at how we adorned ourselves. Also, quick shout out to Samonte Cruz who's releasing their line of lingling-o nose rings

Anna Balagtas  
Oh my god!

Jamee Pineda  
And other jewelry they're they're a non binary queer Filipinax located on the west coast of Canada.  They're a jeweler they do lots of cool shit. So just quick shout out to Samonte Cruz.

Anna Balagtas  
Oh my gosh, you are gonna see an order for me very very soon.

Jamee Pineda  
They came out with their with their lingling-o nose ring and I was like, "BUY."

Anna Balagtas  
Add to cart.

Jamee Pineda  
I need that. It is for my own decolonization. I need that.

Anna Balagtas  
This is a business expense, actually.

Jamee Pineda  
Exactly.  Well, this leads really nicely into my next question, which is what are your dreams for birth work as it relates to decolonizing?

Anna Balagtas  
Hmm. My dream for us to decolonize this work is to essentially and very simply bring it back in the hands of community. I am really reimagining futures in where medical hierarchies, medical systems, organizations are no longer in place.  I am all about for abolishing the cops, but also that looks like abolishing the systems that have funded the cops, right? And so when I'm thinking about decolonization, I'm thinking about ways that we can serve our community through mutual aid, through community support, through knowledge sharing, instead of having to go to University, College for five, six years to just get a piece of paper.  Why can we not just share this knowledge so that we can care for each other. And then also pulling from ancestral knowledge too, because that has informed us for years and years and years, like eons? And now we're here. What was the turn where we're like, let's make money off of people knowing shit. Like, why? Why can't we just talk about it? Why can't we just share this is this not the best way of decolonizing is to just share access? So that is, that is my dreams of decolonizing birth work is through that sharing of access and just giving out the resources when you can and when it's sustainable for you.

Jamee Pineda  
This is the part of the episode where we do our community shout out.

Anna Balagtas  
Oh yay!

Jamee Pineda  
So I would love to know what BIPOC group or individual you would like to uplift for community shout out. And earlier, you used a different term than BIPOC. Could you break that down for me again?

Anna Balagtas  
Yes, I use BIPGM, which is Black, Indigenous, and People of the global majority.

Jamee Pineda  
Great. I love that. I love that. I don't like it that we we often are using language that makes us seem like we're not everywhere.

Anna Balagtas  
Yeah. Right. Or like-

Jamee Pineda  
Or like, numerically marginalized? And like we aren't,

Anna Balagtas  
yeah, there it is. And it also still centers whiteness as the norm, like people of color, instead of what the baseline is people and people are white? No, we're people of the global majority, because there's much more of us.  White people are not the dominant people on this world. And so we should name it as as it is that people of the global majority are out there and we are running shit. We are.

Jamee Pineda  
Otherwise, they wouldn't try to take our things.

Anna Balagtas  
Right?! It's so shiny, so new. Of course it is. It's because we made it.

Jamee Pineda  
Exactly. So anyways, what group or individual would you like us to know about, perhaps redistribute resources to?

Anna Balagtas  
Yes. So I would love to give a shout out to two BIPGM folks who are in my mentorship right now their names are Tasha and MaryAnne. I just want to say thank you so much for allowing me the privilege of witnessing you through your practice. And seeing yourselves move as radical and decolonial birth workers is such a proud moment for me. It's it's it really is such a privilege for me. And so you can find Tasha at Nexus Community Birthwork, or @nexuscommunitycare. And you can find MaryAnne @ating.kamay I which is like "our hands" in Tagalog. And so that's how you can find them uplift their work, tell them they're doing great. They are amazing. And if you are in and around their area, hire them. Give them that shmoney

Jamee Pineda  
Where are they? Where are they located?

Anna Balagtas  
So MaryAnne is I'm embarrassed to say I don't remember where in the States, I think somewhere in either the West Coast. And Tasha is actually in Canada in Ontario in a small town called Kingston.

Jamee Pineda  
Awesome. What words of wisdom do you have for folks either aspiring to do birth work or folks who are interested in hiring a doula? 

Anna Balagtas  
Yeah, the two really connect for me. So what I want to say to aspiring birth workers and also to folks who want to hire a doula is that I just want to remind you that you are deserving of transformative and radical support no matter where you're landing in your journey, and that there's 100% someone out there who can and will meet your needs, wherever you are. And you deserve support that feels loving to you, that feels good in both your mind and your body, and it feels like a big body "Yes". And if you don't know where to start, you can ask me.

Jamee Pineda  
So we're looking for a fuck yes. And if you're like, No, it's not a fuck yes. And you're kind of like confused. People should reach out to you.

Anna Balagtas  
Yes. And then I can say I can help you or I can redirect you to someone who can and maybe they will feel like a hell yes in your body.

Jamee Pineda  
So for folks who want to reach out to what is the best way to do that?

Anna Balagtas  
Yes, the best way is to find me on Instagram. That is where I am most active. I am @pocketdoula. If you want to check out my services and my offerings. I also do workshops and trainings you can find that at yourpocketdoula.com.  And lastly, I also have a Patreon so if you like monthly newsletters if you like monthly resource recommendations, you can find me at Patreon. Also @pocketdoula

Jamee Pineda  
Awesome. Any workshops or any events that are coming up that you want to let us know about?

Anna Balagtas  
Yes, I am hosting my very, very last live workshop of Ating Bahay, which is its support for emerging radical birth workers who don't really know how to begin or don't really know how to start radicalizing and decolonizing their practice.  Ating Bahay is gonna be on September 24, which I believe is a Saturday. So if you want to catch it live for the last time, come come!

Jamee Pineda  
All right. Thank you so much for being here, for just sharing your thoughts, sharing your stories, talking about food with me. It's been so much fun.

Anna Balagtas  
Thank you so much for having me and literally anytime, anytime we can be loud proud about Filipino food. I am here.

Jamee Pineda  
Awesome. Awesome. Thanks so much. 

Anna Balagtas  
Thank you

Jamee Pineda  
The next eight week QTBIPOC Qi Gong course is going to start on October 2. These classes are a sliding scale and virtual so you can join in anywhere you have internet access. If this calls to you head to my website to register. I often do have partial and full scholarships available. If you're thinking, "Wow, this is awesome. How do I support this even if I'm not participating?" Join my Patreon. Funds from Patreon go to scholarships for this course, as well as captions for this podcast. As some of you know, my origins in medicine came from working in the nonprofit world in ways that led to extreme burnout. This has shaped how I practice medicine and how I continue to care for myself as a queer trans autistic brown person. On October 22, I am collaborating with Cuán McCann, creator of Build With and Bmore Bata on a workshop called Burn Out or Burn Bright. Earlybird registration is available throughout September. So hurry up and get in there. We are moving from late summer into fall. This is a great time to check out my 5 phase zine seires. The zines contain elemental magic and tips on how to live in alignment with the seasons for better health. For more info on zines, my work or my events, sign up for my mailing list or check out my website at jamee-pineda-lac.com.

Maraming salamat for listening to The Decolonizing Medicine Podcast. Music is by Amber Ojeda, Hedkandi, and Rocky Marciano. Big thanks to Cuán McCann for audio engineering all of the episodes. Last but not least, thank you to all our listeners and supporters out there.  Ingat!